I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
