my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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