Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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