youre lurking in front of me
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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