For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
