Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
