Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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