I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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