he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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