The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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