I wish I only lived at night.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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