You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
