it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
