I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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