the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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