Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
