Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
