WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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