I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
