Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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