And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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