He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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