do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I am available for nakedness
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
