Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude i'm inner monologue high
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
did you just send me my own nude
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
