If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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