Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Can i not drive my cunt home
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
