He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
