i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize