I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
