I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
