pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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