sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
