you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize