need another drink. this is the easiest way
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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