Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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