theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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