i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
