covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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