If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
