Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
