It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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