I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize