Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
being pregnant is like rehab
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
