Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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