Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also, beer. Big fan.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Randomize
