You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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