TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
