im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
