there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
