ya dads aren't the best wingmen
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
honey bunches of taint.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
