I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
