I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
