just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
