so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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