Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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