he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
