My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
