He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
