Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
