I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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