if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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