I want to stick my p in your. b.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
