so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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