i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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