fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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