I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
