so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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