Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
