i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
