The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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