Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
