U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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