im about as happy as oj after his trial
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
