There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
