I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
