3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i came on her dog
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
