I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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