What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
