I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
