what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
