was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
