just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
