My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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