note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
