the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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