After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
